THE TRUTH about France

The time has come for some serious social commentary.

(Now when I say serious, it basically means giving my opinion in a very direct manner that I think is 100% truthful. The subject is not serious, but my passion, oh yes, my passion is.)

The initial culture shock is wearing off and I have begun to notice a few things about the French as a people that are quite different than Americans. Perhaps my emotion can be compared to that of Jane Goodall after her integration into Bonobo Chimpanzee society. At first, everything was new and amazing and wondrous but my french childhood is weaning and I have found numerous cultural tics about the French to be rather annoying, yet fascinating. Yes, it is wrong to stereotype people and to automatically place them into assumptions based on other's observations but I after a month-and-a-half away from the Ol' Amber Waves of Grain, I feel that I have the right to make some conclusions of my own. I am sure that many of you have toyed with questions such as, "I wonder if the French really are rude?" or "Do they really smoke that much?" or perhaps "Are all French women skinny?" or "Are they smelly?" and "Is the wine and cheese really that good?" and even "Are French dudes hella sleezy?" Well question no longer. For I am here with some first-hand, truthful, serious social commentary.

1. The first item of business that I would like to discuss would be the assumption of French Rudeness. I have not found the people of Lyon to be rude whatsoever. They are quite the opposite, in fact. Now if you were to go to Paris, I am certain that you would encounter more than a few terribly rude frenchies in the passing of one day, but, that's a given. I mean, Rudeness is kind of their "thing". The people of Lyon have no reason to be rude. Lyon is a real city. People work here, live here, shop here, let their dogs crap all over the sidewalk and not pick it up here (that is another story), and there aren't 50,000 tourists entering and departing Lyon each day bombarding the city with digital cameras, peace signs, and Bush/Chaney t-shirts. Not to mention, Lyon has no souvenir industry. If my city had a multi-million dollar income based around flashing-neon-keychains, I'd be rude too. In conclusion, not all French people are rude. Just Parisian waiters and the people who sell tickets to the Louvre.

2. One thing that I have found to be quite consistent is the French capacity to be at least 15 minutes late. Daily. Oddly enough the only things that actually start on-time are my 8:00am classes and the only thing that runs early is my *E#$%# BUS (Bus 29 is destined for the highway to hell. Burn 29. BURN.) My only class on Monday was SCHEDULED to begin at 1:15. I was there at 1:10 and I patiently waited. And waited. And waited. Soon, the whole class was there. But the teacher was not. The clock changed to 1:35 PM and I was 20 seconds away from leaving when guess who decides to show up? La professeur! Needless to say, I was PIXXED. There was no explanation for her tardiness, we just went about business as usual. As if that wasn't bad enough, one student happened to show up 3 minutes later and got a snide remark from the teacher for being late. I couldn't believe it. Something like that WOULD NOT happen in the U.S. or any of the Asian countries that my fellow students hail from. We discussed this atrocity in broken french after class was over. I can understand showing up a little late to parties. I am never on-time to parties (just ask Lindsay Walsh) but a SCHEDULED SCHOLASTIC EVENT AND MEETINGS? I JUST. DON'T. UNDERSTAND and I don't think I will ever be able to accept it.

3. Yes. French people smoke that much. I am pretty sure I will either get lung cancer or haphazardly become addicted to cigarettes without ever having smoked one myself.

4. Yes. French woman really are skinny. And I don't understand why. But I have some theories. The most obvious is genetics. Thousands of years of people getting it on with other people from the same area has clearly created a breed of human that is just naturally skinny. Consider the Greyhound. That dog cannot be a fat dog. It just doesn't happen. Maybe it can be a fat greyhound but compared to other dogs, it will always be a skinny dog. Americans are mutts, its a fact. Everyone in American can name at least 3 countries where their great great grandfather came from "or something like that, I dunno." We are mutts. And Mutts come in all shapes and sizes. American women, please understand this fact and STOP BUYING HYDROXY-CUT. Mutts have more character and are by far much more interesting and varied than purebred Greyhounds. Which brings me to my next point....

5...French fashion.....not that great. I'll evaluate the women first and deal with Male fashion when I talk about French men. 90% of French women wear four primary colors and only four. Black. Grey. Brown. White. In that order. Its not very interesting. True, the women all look very "chic-chic" and "BCBG" (as they say over here) but seeing girls one, after another, after another, after another wearing the same colors with little variation doesn't give me much to talk about. In America, I have options. I can see a girl wearing something horrible and talk about it. I can see a girl wearing something really cool and interesting and talk about it. I can see a girl wearing something really nice and classy...and talk about it. The fashion in America allows me to constantly change my style and try new looks. I don't know if all French women get pre-packaged wardrobes sent to them by the government but Boots and straight-legged tight jeans paired with sweaters and scarves within the 4 color domain seem to be all she wrote. Now that I think about it, don't Greyhounds only come in those four colors too? Coincidence.....? As an American, I feel that it is my duty to bring a little diversity and color to this country. Sure, color may cause me to stick out a little but considering that I'm already a sore thumb with my blonde hair and large...chestal area...there's not much I can do to blend in here at all. I am a foreigner.

6. French men. Sleazy. Effeminate. Bad Style. You don't have to worry about me running away with Jean Pierre anytime soon. To be fair, they aren't all sleazy. Certain ones from certain parts of town are more-so than others. For instance, I got hit-on on the bus nicely, but still sleazy, by some 28-year-old going to work. I also get jeered at walking to the metro at night. The stares are constant but there is nothing I can do about it (It is getting REALLY hard to keep my mouth shut, as I mentioned in my previous blog). So, a lot, French men are sleezy but I have to hand it to some of them that I have met. They respect the fact that I have a boyfriend and they can just be friends with me. I happen to be teaching those ones how to play American Football. See, they aren't ALL bad. Coincidentally, those guys also have good style. In my opinion, French men invest too much time in hair gel and have an unhealthy obsession with goofy little man purses that hang around their necks. And not just ANY little man purse. Burberry and Louis Vuitton happen to be the brands of choice, with the occasional Lacoste thrown in. Another fashion trend that is just...unnerving...are light blue windbreaker pants paired with casual puma sneakers. Not always Puma and not always light blue windbreaker pants but the pants/shoes combo is pretty omni-present. Although some guys wear Diesel jeans and those guys are usually much more acceptable. So worry not. No French men for me. Besides, I've already got a pretty good American one just a short train ride away.

7. As far as French smelliness goes, the bus smells pretty good in the morning. After all, France IS famous for "eau de toilette". BUT. Get on any public transportation vehicle after 5PM and be prepared for the second coming of hell.

You might be asking yourself, "Ruby, if the French are a rude, smelly, skinny people with boring style, and are going to give you cancer and stare at your boobs all day, WHY ARE YOU OVER THERE?" Well that alllll rests on item of business number eight:


8. Yes. French wine and cheese really is THAT GOOD.
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EDIT: I just added some pictures of my house and my school to the album titled "Moi, Mes Amis et Ma Ville" go here to look at them: PICTURES